Week One: Half Marathon Training

Monday: 3 miles and abs
Tuesday: Arms/shoulders/back
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: 3 miles
Friday: Rest
Saturday: 4 miles

I'm having a hard time remembering why I run. Some days I feel so euphoric and other days I feel frustrated. I like training because it gives me an end goal and eventually allows me to focus on something other than weight loss. But it's hard not to focus on weight loss! That is the whole reason I started running. I had read that running was the quickest way to burn calories and I was sold!

I did a good job of staying within my calories all week and ran twice with a strength training workout and GAINED 2.5 pounds!?! What the what?!? It's so frustrating! However, I will say I do feel better and I think I look better. My husband concurs and he is one of the most honest people I know (even when I don't necessarily want him to be)! It's all just messing with my self-esteem and self-image.

I am going to try and keep an optimistic outlook, though. My clothes are fitting better and I'm seeing myself in a more positive light. In fact, I think I'll head to the gym to run my 4 miles...

It's official...I'm training again!

This past weekend, my mother was in Kansas from Colorado, and we headed to KC to stay in a nice hotel. Of course, while we were staying there, there was a marathon and half-marathon going on Saturday. I had such a feeling of being left out! I had even been asked by a friend to run in it, after I finished my first half. I sadly turned her down because I was so tired of running. The thought of running a marathon was not even an option, in my mind!

Well, watching all the finishers walk around the lobby with their medals around their necks made me feel like I was missing out on something. I've been having such a hard time getting motivated to run again and I think this was my wake-up call. I don't like being on the watching side of races, I would much rather be in the race!! With that being said, I am officially back into training for another half-marathon. I haven't figured out where, so if you have any suggestions, let me know!!

I'll be sure to keep you all up to date on my training with all the ups AND downs!

The Zipper Maiden

I did it! I've been wanting to open an Etsy store for many years now. I just haven't had the courage. But I quit my second job a couple weeks ago so I can focus on things I love, which happens to be various types of crafts.

So, I only have one post right now for my custom "I Heart..." string art but I hope to add some of my sewing projects (hence The Zipper Maiden) and more string art. Feel free to take a look...and pass it along.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/164963251/custom-i-heart-string-art?ref=shop_home_active

Hot Chocolate Run 5K

I'm signed up for a new race! It's not until December, but I'm really excited!

The friend that I've been running with, M, and I talked about running in the Hot Chocolate Run last year in Kansas City but it sold out. So, this year, when we saw it was going to be in St. Louis we decided to road-trip it. We will be well into our 10K training by the time of the race, so our time will hopefully be pretty good!?! My current PR is 32 minutes. Maybe I can get it down to 30 minutes! Fingers-crossed.

If you are interested, the Hot Chocolate Run is in various cities. Plus the goodie bag in St. Louis is awesome. It's a fleece jacket!

Here is the link to their main site...http://www.hotchocolate15k.com/

They also have the option of a 15K and a two day expo before the event where you can get plenty more freebies and chocolate!!

Update!

I posted at the beginning of last month that my husband and I were going to try and quit drinking. Well, we were close. Instead of drinking 3-4 times a week, we only drank 3-4 times the whole month. Maybe we didn't go the whole month but I'm pretty proud of us. 

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

       

 It probably would have been more dramatic if we hadn't looked to food to compensate for the lack of drinking. OMG! That sounds terrible when I write it down, but I said I'd be honest.

We are starting to eat healthier though. I've been motivated to cook again, which is nice! In fact, I made an amazing dinner tonight. I made fresh basil marinated shrimp with pasta salad and kale chip. Side note: Kale chip are AMAZING!! I have put them off for years, and I had been missing out!! Finally, I added three mini oreos for dessert.

My husband has been studying late and I've been taking him dinner, hence the to-go box. But, it works nicely for portion control!

I'm an "After Picture"

Hey everyone, sorry about that last post. Kind of depressing. I'm still in a bit of a funk but I am starting to get out of it. In fact, all the support/supporters around me are helping! I want to thank all of them!

I've been chatting a lot lately about my "journey" with a co-worker, whom is on her own journey (which I hope to post about someday). It's a real joy to be able to talk people with about your story. It allowed me to remember that technically I'm an "after picture," which is a really hard concept to wrap my head around. Even though I may have my day to day struggles, I'm no longer 200lbs+! I have been doing some real self-reflection about this topic.

When I ran my half marathon I was at my second goal weight and even though I may have gained back the 20lbs. I lost during training, I am still under my first goal weight! I am still 30lbs+ under my starting weight. That is still 30lbs+ that I have kept off for over three years! That's huge (pun intended)!

Just like running, it's not just physical but also mental! I have to remind myself to focus on the positive and not only the things that I'm doing now but what I have done.

Off the Wagon

I find that getting started again is one of the hardest things to do. I thought that by starting this blog, I would be able to hold myself more accountable. I thought that by starting to run the Couch to 5K with my friend, that I would magically love running again.

I have hit a wall, friends. I don't hate running but I am lacking that motivation. I no longer have that wonderful feeling during and after my runs, where I feel invincible. Instead, I feel nothing. I like, "Ok. I did it. Now what?" I don't know how to get over this hump. Well, I do but it's so hard. I know that I just have to keep working out and the feelings will come back but the amount of time until those feelings come back varies. The last time this happened it took about two months of hating it. And I know...it shouldn't matter because I should want those feelings back but it really SUCKS in the meantime. In the meantime, I spend all that time hating my body, hating exercising, and hating foods. All which are unhealthy habits. I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just don't know why I do these things to myself.

I need to get out of this funk.

A Secret Truth...

Sometimes I hate myself for being hungry.

I'm A Cheater!

Sometimes I cheat...never on my husband but always on my healthy eating adventures!

Everybody preaches that healthy living is a lifestyle change not a diet or a quick fix. I get that. I really do, but they make it sound like I have to be healthy all the time and devote my life to only eating healthy and exercising all the time. I'm sorry but that is just not me! Never has. Never will. Hence the title Finding the Balance. I try to find a balance between what I should eat and what I want to eat, while exercising regularly.

So, I have been following (for the most part) a 1400 calorie eating plan for the past week and doing Couch to 5K three times a week. I weighed myself Friday and I'm already down 4 lbs. and that's even having a Taco Bell dinner Thursday night (I cheated). I've also quit drinking, where I have been very good. In the past five days, I've only had a half shot of RumChata in a milkshake and a 100 calorie margarita with a friend. I think that is where most of my weight loss comes from.

Now for my big confession...last night I went to M's for a BBQ and decided to cut loose. I went a little crazy on Sassy Salsa and chips, and sugar cookies. I did eat healthy the first half of the day, so there is the balance. I didn't feel guilty for these choices. I had been good all week, I had lost 4lbs., and I was only eating bad instead of drinking bad too. I need to do this sometimes! I makes me feel like I can still have a life! As long as it's only once in a while...

It was delicious and totally worth it.

Pizza Crust

I posted a picture on my Facebook the other night of some healthified pizza my husband and I made for dinner.

It's my favorite crust and some of my favorite toppings! We had cream cheese chicken with jalapenos and BBQ chicken with blue cheese. Well, I got a lot of requests for the recipe and I thought this would be the perfect place to share it. It is from one of my favorite cookbooks, Weight Watchers New Complete Cookbook. It has a lot of healthy versions of basics, like pizza crust.

Whole Wheat Pizza Dough

serves 12

3/4 cups warm water

1/2 pkg. active dry yeast

1/2 tsp. sugar

2 tsp. olive oil

2 1/4 cups white whole wheat flour

3/4 tsp. salt

1. Combine the water, yeast, and sugar in a large bowl. Set aside until foamy.

2. Stir in the oil, flour, and salt until the dough gathers around the spoon. 

3. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. 

4. Spray large bowl with nonstick spray; place dough in bowl, turning to coat. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and let dough rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour. Preheat oven to 450°

5. Punch down dough, then cut in half. Roll out half of the dough and top with favorite toppings. Bake until golden brown and cheese is melted, about 15 minutes.

6. Unused dough can be refrigerated up to 1 day or frozen in floured zip-close plastic freezer bag up to 6 months. 

Nutrition:

Per Serving (1/12 of dough): 91 Calories, 1 gram Total Fat, 19 grams Total Carbs, 3 grams Protein

NO DRINKING!

I'm not ashamed to say it but my husband and I like to drink. It's not like it's a problem, except for when it comes to our waistlines. 

After a long day of work or school, what is a glass (or two) of wine? Or during a crisp autumn evening, enjoying a bottle (or three) of pumpkin beer? I'm sure we all do it! Sometimes, though, we do it more than we should and make up plenty of reasons why it's ok...see above. 

I explained in a previous post, I have been stressed out lately and I didn't only turn to food but also drinking (again not to a which it was a problem). So, my husband (whom also partook in the drinking and eating) and I decided to go four weeks without alcohol! This means no more wine, margaritas, mojitos, or pumpkin beer. Mind you, pumpkin beer is my favorite beer and it's seasonal...this season. Luckily, I'll have October to drink it. In moderation, of course. 

Ok, so, I'm going to post some pictures. No judgements, please. We decided that by posting our before pictures, it will hold us accountable. We will then post our after pictures in four weeks. Hopefully we can all see a difference!

For the love of food...

I am very proud of myself for working out three days this past week with my friend, M. Although, my diet was not so much to be proud of...

I love to exercise! Don't get me wrong, it does suck sometimes but I can always talk myself into it and I always feel better afterwards. The concept of figuring out a workout or making a distance goal and then completing it, gives me an indescribable high. But food is my total weakness!

The idea of a freshly delivered pizza with breadsticks (of course!) or a big juicy cheeseburger with truffle fries, makes me happy! Not just hungry happy but warm and fuzzy inside happy! And, yes, I know there are healthier options for these things or "healthified" options but I like other people making things for me sometimes. After a long day of dealing with other people's children, the last thing I want to do is cook and care for myself. So, typically, my husband and I will just "grab something" or make a usual meal, which is not usually healthy.

This is something I really need to work on. I just need to figure out an eating plan, which I've done before, and do it. The hardest part is getting my husband on board. We have opposite body issues. I want to lose weight and he wants to gain weight. He's the kind of guy that can eat pretty much anything he wants and not really gain any weight. I, on the other hand, eat a piece of pizza and I will gain 5lbs. Yes, I may be exaggerating but that's how it feels. Ugh! Life is not fair.

Well, I'm going to try really hard this week to maintain a 1400 calorie diet. I'm going to try a meal plan from EatingWell. They have a variety of meal plans ranging from 1200-1800 calories. I will report throughout the week to let you all know how it's going! It won't be easy but if it was everyone would look how they want, I suppose.

Back on the Saddle...

So, I hadn't ran since my half-marathon in June. I has gone to the gym a few times, but I hadn't ran. Today I ran...well, run/walked!

In the past month, I finished another school year, got promoted to my own classroom, moved duplexes, setup said new classroom, and began a new school year. To say I've been stressed is an understatement. So, instead of going to the gym like a good, fit person, I've been stress eating/drinking. After a long, exhausting day the last thing most normal people want to do is go to the gym! Of course all the gym brats would suggest that maybe I go before my work day or something crazy like that (note the word "exhausted" used above). I like my sleep! Well, because of all the eating and drinking I managed to gain about 8-10lbs. Something needed to change...

So, I asked my friend/co-worker, M, if she wanted to help me get back into working out. Lucky for me she agreed! We decided to do the "Couch to 5K" program and eat healthier. Today we went after work in a heat index of 101°. It was stinking hot but we did it!! Isn't that the most important part? At least that's what I'll keep telling myself until it gets easier...

The Beginning

I wanted to start this blog several months ago but wasn't brave enough. Or, maybe, I didn't think I had anything to say about the subject of "finding a balance". But the more I lived my life and the more I thought about it, I am finding the balance every day (some days are better than others)!

Now let me explain...the balance I am constantly trying to find is the balance between my health/fitness and my "fat girl tendencies". I never battled with my weight until college. I weighed 129lbs. all through high school but I was active playing volleyball year-round. Once I got to college all that stopped and I discovered bars and eating when/what I wanted! I went from a size 6, when I arrived, to a size 14 when I left, freshman year. I always fought with my body image after that. I even went through some bouts with eating issues! My heaviest, though, was when I lived in Japan with my husband from 2008-2011.  I weighed over 200lbs.! It wasn't until we went to Thailand in 2009 that I realized how big I really was. In my head I thought I looked like a size 10, even though I was wearing size 14/16 pants. It was then that I decided to do something about it! I kind of half-assed it for awhile but once I started reaching some goals physically, I got serious. I was able to lose about 60lbs. initially!

Since moving back, I have struggled even more with the balance! America has much more tempting and convenient eating options, plus the stress of moving abroad. I had to find a routine! Once I found that routine, though, I had already gained back most of that weight. So, I decided to start racing, since running was how I lost most of my initial weight. This past January I had decided that I wanted to run a half-marathon. I had already run several 5Ks and a 10K, so a half-marathon only made sense. Through my training and commitment (and a few slumps) I was able to lose all that weight again. Well, I completed my first half-marathon June 2, 2013 in Chicago, IL.

It was after this race that I even had the idea of starting this blog. I was pumped and feeling good about myself. It may have also been the beer I was drinking afterwards at Goose Island Brewery (my favorite)! Either way, I think it's important that I write this. 

Most health/weight loss blogs I read these days are all about after meeting that end goal and I wanted to take people along on my journey. I have been fighting this battle of self image for over 10 years. I have realized, though, that it's not about how much you weigh but how you feel! Of course I have a "goal weight" but I don't know if I'll ever reach it. I do know that I feel better when I am active and completing physical goals. In fact, I still remember the feeling of running my first mile without walking or completing my first 5K (I cried while calling my husband). Those are moments that will stick with me forever and keep me going. 

This blog will not always be positive, but it will always be honest!